Marriage Humor

I received this forwarded marriage humor email today. Hope it puts a smile in your heart...
Wife: What are you doing?
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.
Husband: I was looking for the expiration date.

Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure! What are my choices?
Wife: Yes or no.

Wife: You always carry my photo in your wallet.. Why?
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby: Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.

Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing..
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.

The guy replies: Thanks for the early warning.

A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!'

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him on the head with a frying pan.
'What was that for?' the man asked.
The wife replied, 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'.
The man then said, 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on'.
The wife apologized and went on with the housework.
Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
Wife replied, 'Your horse phoned'.


TK said...

Hi Rosebelle! I enjoyed myself reading all those jokes especially the first one. LOL!!!

Gratitude said...

hahahaha good one Rose!
But you should be hitting the men instead, no? lolz

Buckeroomama said...

LOL! These are funny! I like the one about the son being asked to give up his seat! Thanks for sharing. :)

Veronica Lee said...

LOL!! Thanks for kickstarting my day!!

Have a nice day, Rosebelle!

Unknown said...

You're right,Rosebelle. It put a smile on my face this rainy friday morning. Thanks! Can I borrow and share it, too? :)

levian said...

haha ouch! the last one had me laughing the hardest! XD

I'm a full-time mummy said...

Thanks for the laugh!

I particularly like the:
"Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure! What are my choices?
Wife: Yes or no.

I'll try it later ;P

Sommer said...

Hahaha! Absolutely loved this!

Mama Zen said...

These are hilarious! The last one is my favorite.

Anonymous said...

Haha...good humour. I like the first one! :)

Ash said...

i've read them before and reading them again gave me a good chuckle. have a great weekend! :)

how fast these babies grow huh. i miss his chubbiness :(

~ash's mum

Ummie said...

Laughing my Saturday night away :D)

Joanne Olivieri said...

OMG! Thanks so much for the belly laughs today, I needed that. "Your horse phoned" I'm still laughing.

Cheryl said...

These were so funny! This brightened up my day! Thanks for sharing.

Andrey said...

hahaha. Funny jokes. :)

இ Baŋäŋaz இ said...

Interesting to note of an expiration date for marriage cert and whoa horses can talk? haha

MinnieRunner said...

I laughed at the second skit :)

KidsDreamWork said...

Thanks for the jokes! They really make my day! :)

foongpc said...

Haha!! Very funny! I had a good laugh! : D

Jus said...

Oh my! Thanks for sharing, I laughed and laughed!!!

Joey Lynn Resciniti said...

My husband likes to joke that our marriage is void because the judge that married us died.

Sorry buddy. Doesn't work that way!

More Than Words said...

Oh my word!! Those were funny!!

How ya been?? It's been a long time!